| And if you wanna try your hand at forcing my suicide.. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
|
[10 Apr 2007|12:27pm] |
When you forgive someone it means you let go of everything theyve done or said to hurt you.
I forgive those people that i THOUGHT were my friends...i forgive them simply because its fucking stupid to allow those people to try and make me miserable. Its hard because for a while I was naive; i thought most people were good on the inside and ive gotten older and wiser. I know that isnt true.
I wouldnt make up something like rape.
Im sick of trying to convince people otherwise, so im done.
You can send me all the stupid little messages you want but it doesnt make a difference; what happened, happened, and you cant undo the past.
Certain people deserve to be in jail.
|
|
|
[09 Apr 2007|10:55am] |
This is to someone else I thought I was friends with. You know who the fuck you are.
I cant believe you would call me a whore
I was there for you through all your shit when that bitch left you and got her friends to beat you up
I turned to you first when something horrible happened. i guess that was stupid. I should of never have assumed you were actually my friend.
I really just cant believe you at all. You used to care about me and all of a sudden im just some dumb bitch to you.
You and your girlfriend were the ones i confided in first. After i told you, you told me he did the same thing to some sarah girl.
You believed me up until i asked you for help.
If you dont want to help me i dont give a shit. But dont fucking call me a whore
I thought we were better friends than this but that was naive of me.
|
|
| Take Note |
[19 Mar 2007|07:06pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bikini Kill <3<3 |
] |
"Just cuz my world, sweet sister
Is so fucking goddamn full of rape
Does that mean
My body must always be a source of pain?
No, no, no
(She's so very I don't care. She's so very, I don't care)
Just cuz I named it right here sweet Chickadee
don't mean for a minute you Should think
I'm opposite of anything
But if you wanna know for sure
I'll tell you
We're not gonna prove nothing nothing
Sittin around watching each other starve
What we need is action/strategy
I want i want I want I want I want
I WANT IT NOW"
|
|
|
[18 Mar 2007|09:09pm] |
So this whole weekend, ive been conflicted by the consequences of going to the police;
People I thought were my friends turned their back on me, simply because I didnt "consult" with them first about what to do.
They thing is, I shouldnt have to ask permission to do what needs to be done with MY life
so im done explaining myself.
Im done rationalizing what ive done because hes a fucking rapist;
despite their harsh words and stupid logic, im going to insist on this one i am right.
He raped me. He deserves to be locked up
I shouldnt have to go talk to people (whom...i hardly even see anyways) about something like that happening to me; I shouldnt have to prove myself.
I would never make up rape.
I would never joke about something like that;
So, to those who think im an asshole for going to the cops Reality Check
I dont need permission to end my own suffering. thanks.
|
|
|
[13 Feb 2007|12:58pm] |
So theres this fat ugly bitch named Melanie Morgan
and she apparently has my password, or made a fake journal or some shit
which is pathetic in itself...that shes going out of her way to read my journal
but not only that, shes talking to people about me
people at MY SCHOOL.
Seriously. shes like...20.
GET A FUCKING LIFE
|
|
|
[03 Jan 2007|02:25pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Deathcab for cutie "Ill follow you into the dark" |
] |
High because I smoked a bowl
of this chronic i never ended up paying for.
Theres wine in the fridge calling my name
Im hungry but I feel horribly fat
and I found 17 dollars in my pocket today
So I guess it wasnt all bad
I just want to know that Im loved
Is that asking too much
|
|
|
[28 Nov 2006|03:09pm] |
It turns men into animals
Thinking with their genitals
Because sex these days is just for fun
Sex these days is criminal.
Get ready for statistics, man…
1 in 2 stuck with disease
Now who’s the dumb one? It isn’t me
Get ready to say goodbye
To the rest of your wasted life.
|
|
|
[19 Oct 2006|10:24pm] |
|
Friends Cut
|
|
|
[12 Sep 2006|01:45pm] |
Wake up to a soft humming from the stereo
Ive lost the will to get up from my warm bed anymore
Theres something really comforting in endless cotton sheets
And id rather not live life awake when I could be asleep.
|
|
| I'm A Raptor... |
[28 Aug 2006|02:38pm] |
.....Be jealous
|
|
|
[17 Jul 2006|02:43am] |
DID YOU KNOW
theres such a thing as rainbow twizzlers.
they come in the flavors and neon colours of red orange yellow green blue and lavender.
my life is complete.
|
|
|
[05 Jul 2006|04:28am] |
cherries gin and juice
somehow this combination sounds good at the time
but i know in the morning ill hate myself for this
late nights of drinking and japanese cartoons
whats my life turning into
who will I be when the summer starts to end
and life turns back into...well...LIFE again.
i know reality will fucking smack me in the face
but im ready to take it head on.
|
|
|
[09 Jun 2006|01:27am] |
tonight was magnificent.
loren called and we talked and it was love. then abbey and steph came over.
then justine abbey steph and myself ventured to Lorens humble aboad where Monica was (and mark and nick were on their way.)
we took faery pictures and theyre AMAZING ill upload them later on.
his house makes me feel safe.
I called him and talked to him and he talked to mark and nick and monica.
justine and abbey left.
and monica made us spaghetti and garlic bread and it was delicious.
and we drank beer and whiskey and played pink floyd and rammstein.
im so happy to be a part of their group.
:D
|
|
|
[04 May 2006|11:31pm] |
ATTENTION PLEASE
ELLEN IS OFFICIALLY HAPPY :D
|
|
|
[18 Apr 2006|05:07pm] |
i decided this shouldnt be anonymous.
I use drugs as a defense mechanism.
Self destruction is the key to keeping people away from me.
It seems like every person Ive ever loved has left because of my behavior, and my self hatred.
Sometimes I think drugs really do make me happy, and without them, I'd be lost. I believe that only when im on them, or when im really fucking low.
But when Im happy, I can see that I dont need those things to be happy.
Ive stolen money from a countless number of people to buy my drugs.
Ive gone out of my way to destruct myself, and I fear its because im afraid of getting close to someone.
Im in love with someone, and he knows it. Or at least I think he does, and I cant get ahold of him because he doesnt want to speak to me.
Truthfully I undersand, and accept it. But part of me wishes things were entirely different.
I wish I was someone who had no regrets.
i wish I didnt make things so difficult for myself.
i wish I wasnt so very reactive...but pro-active, and I wish I had more optimism left in me.
I wish I had my lover back, and I fear that Ive lost it forever.
I wish that Art was as fulfilling to me as it used to be.
I wish I could get through schooldays without thinking about drugs and cigarettes, and crying.
And I wish that things werent so complicated.
|
|
|
[17 Apr 2006|10:59pm] |
AHH JACOB CAME TO VISIT
hes not living in Vermont anymore. he lives in Sth Cambridge now and im gonna start hanging out with him more. He played songs on his guitar and i was like AHH FUCKING AWESOME he grew his hair out.
its hard to believe hes the guy we met back in like...8th grade (when i was in 8th grade anyways) CRAZY.
Steph and tori and Jenna and larry were here too
i talked to jeff and things are good :D we're chilling wednesday
uhhh what else.
nothing IM HAPPY AND DRUG FREE
|
|
| Another poem for the masses |
[03 Apr 2006|04:41pm] |
I wanna be someone who just doesnt care
Who brushes things off with the flick of a wrist
Who doesnt wear makeup or fuck with her hair
Who pulls all the punches and raises her fists
But still has a soft side that hardly comes out
But its worth the wait when I finally show it.
I wanna be loved and admired, adored
I want boys and girls to doodle my name
And scribble down hearts when they think of my face
And sigh dreamily when i walk through the door
i want to be loved and never be hurt
mysterious, strong, and ill never get close
And I wont feel a thing when lovers give up
Cause my heart will entirely be somewhere else
I wanna be someone who just doesnt feel.
|
|
| Life as a Pearl |
[03 Apr 2006|04:18pm] |
Im building myself a fantasy world
With mushrooms all red and white polka dotted
And leaving a world behind that's turned rotten
whilst tearing right through my coccoon.
I'll leave it behind, I'll shed it away
(the things that have held me back for so long)
Before, things were wicked, tainted and gaunt
My whole world was shifted and I was alone
I want now, so badly, to be on my own
To live in a world full of pixies and trolls.
With faeries all flying and humming their songs
Id lounge on my treebark, feeling their warmth
Their auras, their glow, the brightness of them
and my heart would finally feel love once again.
Im sick of the hurting, the lying, deceit
My lovers stabbing a knife in my side...
Or best friends telling me horrible lies...
It's pulling a carpet from under my feet,
I fall and they softly apoligise
Helping me up with that gleam in their eyes
Knowing that later theyll laugh at my fall
Happily knowing that they caused it all.
Well goodbye to losers, to cheaters, to fakes
and hello to magic, to love, and to fate
Forget all thats happened and leave it behind
The world is my oyester, im ready to shine!
|
|
|
[27 Mar 2006|04:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
toothachesssssss in my noggin. |
] |
owwwwwwwchhhhhhhers.
Teeth hurt >.<
Justin and I fought but you know what, if hes not going to put any effort into anything, its not worth my time.
So anyways.
Life is good.
I hate my pigtails. they make me feel awkward like a little pig.
I kinda wanna go out somewhere WHY DOES UPSTATE NY BLOW SO MUCH COCK
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
anorexiccowboy's journal